A few words about money

When you are a cashier, you see a lot of things that are interesting. I have several things to say about money.
1. I do not want your boobie money. By this, I mean that when you come to the register to pay for your purchase, I do not want to touch the money that you pull out of your sports bra. Especially when that money is wet.

2. I do not want your wet money. I don't really care where you pull this money from. If it is wet, I become incredibly uncomfortable, and I think several things:
a. I do not want to touch this wet money.
b. Did this guy pee on this money?
c. Am I touching pee now?

3. I expect that, when you come to the register to check out, you will have money to pay for your items. I will not give them to you for free. I also will not pay for your items, as I have no money with which to do such a thing.

4. If you pay with a $100 bill for a $5 item, please know that you are probably wiping out most of the money in my register, and if you do not want $25 in ones, you are going to have to wait for a manager.

5. I know the 4 on the price tag may have looked to you like a 1, but it was not a 1. It was a 4. I will be charging you 4.98 and not 1.98. This is because I, unlike you, can read the tag.

6. This is indirectly about money because it is about the credit card machine. See the little pen-like thing that is attached to the credit card machine? That is used for signing your name in the box on the credit card machine. You do not have to write it with your finger or with a real pen (which, by the way messes up the credit card machine). Additionally, the pen is attached to the credit card machine so you can find it easily. You do not, in fact, have to reach under the machine and completely unplug it from the computer to search for the little pen thing that happens to be attached to the TOP of the machine.

Thank you.